Friday, February 27, 2009

Keep marching.

I dunno. I suppose that's been my mantra, or my catchphrase, or what have you, for a long time now. Something I told myself, and something I managed to do, even when I didn't want to and even when I didn't believe in it. The notion is, in essence, that if you're in a bad place, and you don't know how to get out of it, just keep moving, keep walking, and eventually you walk your way to a better place. Maybe.

Well, it turns out that the bullshit that I've been telling myself to keep myself getting up out of bed every morning for quite some time turns out not to be bullshit after all. That's kinda cool.

I'm in a Ph.D program now, and it's paid for if I want it (assuming I don't fuck it up in the process of doing it, but I'm reasonably confident that I won't), and so my future is sort of secure for the next few years, at least. That's the best, it seems to me, that one can hope for, and I actually got there. There was a plan, and directed intent, but I am honestly kind of shocked that, even given that, it seems to have worked. But it did, goddamn. Not by some stroke of master strategy or cunning badassness, but by doing the business, showing up, tossing what I have out there into the world to the extent that I've been able on a given day. A repeated and repetitive act of faith, really, in a sense. I've kept marching. And here I am.

Pretty awesome. The next chapter of this particular novel is almost nigh. Yay.


  1. Thank you both. It's a good feeling. Been awhile since I've felt particularly sanguine about life. I like it. Yay.

  2. Captcha is working again. Good on you, dear.

  3. My motto has been courtesy of FINDING NEMO: "Just keep swimming, swimming, swimming!" I feel sort of bad that it's ripped from Disney but I adore the story so much, as well as Ellen Degeneres and Albert Brooks, that I don't feel *that* bad (in fact, what little bad I feel may be a knee jerk reaction to feel apologetic for not being political aware enough in all my personal choices). My point! Yes, keep marching, keep swimming or we all will croak with sadness. :)